*This is the unedited, unrestrained glimpse into the mind of a girl who just "lost everything".
What I have: one outfit, my gray sweats (seriously...who would leave those behind?), a few toiletries, one picture album, one journal, a few photos, my pocket Bible, a few books, two sets of extra contacts, tennis shoes, workout clothes, birth certificate, passport, and wallet.
What I don't have: everything else. Most heartbreaking are the irreplaceable things like non-digital photos, every letter I've ever received, things I hoped to pass on to my children, journals that detailed my walk with Christ thus far, memorabilia from time spent overseas, books with notes from friends and my own quiet times, and home videos. I haven't cried many tears over furniture, clothes, food, etc...but my heart is broken over these few small, invaluable items.
What I have: all the same tools to share, glorify, and worship Jesus Christ that I had yesterday. A mouth to speak, ears to hear, eyes to see, hands to toil, feet to bring the Good News. A roof under which to sleep, friends and family to listen, food to eat, clothes to wear (although you might see me in my gray sweats even more than you thought was humanly possible to wear gray sweats), a cell phone to talk on, a laptop to communicate, a car to drive, a bank account. I still own more worldly possessions than most people in the world.
When you're a kid, everyone says, "What would you take out of your home in a fire?" The truth is, it doesn't matter what you take. I always said I'd take pictures, journals, money, Bible, etc. But it really doesn't matter. When it comes right down to it, even if I had managed to take every single thing that I thought I'd want or need, I'd still have something I wished I'd gotten. It's all under water. All of it. And one year from now, I guarantee you that it won't matter. Life will go on.
I've often said the best thing about being back in Tennessee was living alone in the woods in "my house" on my uncle's farm. And it's true. I loved that house. And I loved those letters. And those pictures. But my love for God should make my love for those THINGS look like hatred. And I'm pretty sure I loved all of those things a little too much. For someone who has always prided herself in frugality and simplicity, this is a big reality check. I love things just as much as the average spoiled American.
I haven't been to the house yet--the water is up to the windows right now and no one can enter. I'm sure it will be devastating.
It's no one's fault. You can't control nature...or God...or life. No one could have predicted how the water would rise so quickly. I beg the Lord to help all of us remain free in Him without laying blame on anyone, especially ourselves.
The Lord has already reminded me that I don't need things to pass on to my children--I have an eternal inheritance of faith in Jesus Christ to pass on. What else will they need?
But I sang in the shower this morning...so I'm still singing.
Don't waste your life...on things.
More to come.